NHL Rules Change

As players in the NHL see a surge in concussions and increase in CTE cases, the rules have changed for player safety. Gary Buttersman had this to say, “The game will be played like it always has minus the checking….now, when you are about to check someone, you can lick a player on the cheek…….…or sing Taylor Swift songs in an opponent’s ear……both options have reduced concussions and there is now more Taylor Swift fans” If you do “check” a player, you are forced to do a pinky promise with your opponent and promise that you will never check them again…..followed by baby talk jargon saying….”I am wewilly sorrwy”.

We spoke with an NHL player who wants to remain nameless and here is what he had to say (His name is Surgio Lemiouxe…shhhhh), “I just love her……..and now I go to church…..anyways, I will be in my basement working on a dance routine I came up with…I also gotta stop licking my brothers face!”