No Man Can Do This

Iowa City has always take great pride in the University of Iowa. Iowa City is also a great place where many people carve out a full-time life, post their college years.  It is a town with a fairly low crime rate….and the roar of big time college sports coupled with good eats.

Arnold Shabing can attest to the great life he has created in Iowa City. Born and raised and a college graduate who fully embraced the Hawkeye life. The single life has brought in many challenges for Arnold and some odd life circumstances. Two days ago was no exception.

Two women were outside holding hands near his neighborhood taking a leisurely walk. Brenda and Lisa engaged in a nice conversation with Arnold. To Arnold’s surprise, they live next door to him and they had never met. That day, he invited both women in his home for some cheese and crackers. As they all sat on the couch, Arnold put some food out and drinks. In the first 5 minutes of the conversation some very obscure stuff occurred. Both women were by his side on the couch……one began to rub his bare knee…the other began rubbing that knee also. Most men would be all over this……and can make a B line to “making” it all happen. Not Arnold……here is what Arnold said, “I was like….no way…unreal…these two whackjobs are going to rob me…..what the %^$#^#  do I do……the voice in my head said to not be responsive….I was sure they were gonna rob me!”

Seven minutes into this experience of oddity one of the women said, “What the $%$#%#$ is wrong with you….are you gay or something?” This is when Arnold unintentionally demonstrated what a genius he is………….he said, “ Yes I am and I need you both to leave since my husband Eric is coming home in five minutes….this is our time and you guys are going to ruin the spinach souffle I made….if I burn that shit, it’s your fault!” At that point, both women left and told him they were both doctors and noticed he had unusual growths on his knees that were cancerous.

Today, Arnold is healthy and embracing life….and in fact dating a guy named Eric. “I had no idea I was gay…but shit, the tax credits I am getting and other benefits are insane…couldn’t be happier!”