Nude Mall

Shoppers across America have been staying away from the malls for fear of mall shootings. In an effort to keep patrons feeling safe a unique mall has been started in Southern California to overcome people’s anxieties of being robbed and or shot while browsing for goods. Barry Mayaqock explained the mall’s unique solution, “We have started the first and only all nude shopping mall and we require all bags must be clear. This is an effort to keep someone from carrying an assault weapon into our mall. If you think about it, there is no way anyone is going to be able to hide a weapon, unless they are experts at Keistering (inserting something in the anal canal). So far the results have been phenomenal, we never realized how popular this idea would be. Husbands and boyfriends are finally willing to go shopping, with their significant other and the woman couldn’t be happier. The stores are making more money and losing less product due to theft as a result. We are exploring allowing customers to wear tidy whites in an effort to be more sanitary. We think this idea will be so popular and will take off across the US within five years.”