Online Education on the Rise

By Bill Lumbergh

Online education has been on the rise across the country. From high school to college, a student can complete a full curriculum from an accredited program from anywhere.

A student named Tim Holdme, who would like to remain nameless, (to late idiot!) had this to say, “I use to hate asking to go to the bathroom during school….now, I shit my way through math and history…..still getting an “A” while ripping ass has made my education experience a relief….or travesty to my family and my now dead dog!”

The question that has come up, “How do kids go through graduation once they complete the graduation”? Traditional graduations are formal and typically a once in a lifetime experience. Hardly!!!! An online graduation is unique…actually pretty fnnn obscure!

Professor Bill MOFORME had this to say about the online graduation ceremony at Colgate University, “First of all, technology has come a long way….each student is teleported into a laptop…this only takes about 6 seconds…we know, based on medical research at Colgate that humans can survive without oxygen for 1 minute….so these idiots are stuck in the laptop for about a little over a minute….just as they are near death, and we transmit a ”Graduate” microchip right in their sphincter…I love the look on their face when they graduate…I can see it all on my Iphone while I am taking my second crap of the day…not uncommon for me to hit three!”

More students are attending online education; however the bigger issue is kids are scared to get their online microchip credential. Graduation rates are less than 5% and can be extremely painful. Kids in the “masochistic” spectrum absolutely love the graduation experience.