Santos………

By Jel Michaels

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In the immortal words of Jimmy Buffett, “Fact over fiction always has my vote.” And Folks, in a case like this the truth is so damn funny that nothing even needs to be embellished. Honestly. You can’t even make this shit up.

George Santos successfully won his bid to become the US representative in New York’s 3^rd congressional district. And he played the “I’m a Victim/Hero/Sports Star/Master Mind/Comedian” card all the way to the polls. These are the claims that he made along the way… (and NONE of this is even made up).

• Santos said, “9/11 claimed my mother’s life,” Not only did his mother die of cancer a few years after 9/11, she was in Brazil on the day of the attacks on the Twin Towers in New York. BUSTED!!!

• Santos made a claim to have been a financial genius and worked at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup. Not only did he NOT work for either company, but he created a financial firm called Harbor City, which the Securities and Exchange Commission accused of being a Ponzi scheme and was later shut down. He insisted to a prospective investor that it was “100% legitimate,” despite having reportedly been told the firm had been accused of circulating fraudulent documents. PONZI!!!

• While putting together his campaign budget, Santos’ campaign figured out how to spend exactly $199.99 on 37 different campaign expenditures filed with the Federal Election Commission. It just so happens that, incidentally, $199.99 is exactly one cent below the dollar threshold which the FEC requires campaigns to keep receipts. PINCHED!!!

• He stiffed his landlord out of a back rent payment by claiming that he was mugged in Queens, NY on his way to pay it. No attempt to actually make the payment was ever attempted after the “mugging.” There was no criminal report filed for the supposed crime. There is no record of this actually happening. STIFFED!!!

• Santos was a massive Volleyball Star at Baruch College where he graduated in 2010 with degrees in Economics and Finance. He was recruited for Basketball because of his incredible inside game and fadeaway jumper but went to Volleyball because it was easier on his knees. He was a 5-Star scholarship athlete with Olympic dreams… Oh wait! That’s BULLSHIT! Not only did Santos NOT play Volleyball, but he also never attended Baruch College. And of all the places to lie about graduating from… Baruch College? BENCHED!!!

• In 2016, Santos met a homeless veteran whose service dog had a life-threatening tumor. The dog needed thousands of dollars in surgery. Santos (who was using the last name “Devolder” then) set up a GoFundMe account for the dog. He wrote on the feed, “Dear all. When a veteran reaches out to ask for help, how can you say no?” The fundraiser was very successful, far surpassing the target goal of $3,000. Unfortunately, once the fundraising was through, Santos disappeared, the money was gone, and the dog died. ASSHOLE!!!

• While still known as “Devolder,” Santos stole many items from various roommates that he had. Most notoriously a Burberry scarf that he actually wore on television to his 2020 “Stop the Steal” rally in which he followed the former POTUS bitching-model of election theft. THIEF!!!

• In 2008, Santos’ mother was working for a man in Brazil whose checkbook Santos stole. He spent over $750 in stolen checks and was using a fake name to pass them. After fleeing Brazil, he made the claim that he committed no crimes there. Brazilian Prosecutors are in the works to re-charge him with fraud. FORGED!!!

• Santos, apparently a failed stand-up comedy impressionist, was caught calling rich Republican donors while claiming to be House Speaker Kevin McCarthy’s Chief of Staff. Although the situation was resolved behind closed doors, McCarthy’s legal team has confirmed that the incident did happen.

• In 2016, during an interview with WNYC, after Santos’ successful bid for Congress, he made the claim that four of his employees were killed in the 2016 Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando, Florida. According to the New York Times, not one of the 49 victims worked at any company Santos owned or has worked for. LIAR!!!

• (Warning… This is the MOST appalling lie that Santos has told)

In 2021, Santos made the claim that his grandparents were Holocaust survivors. When speaking to the Jewish News Syndicate, he said, “I am very proud of my grandparents.”

It seems that a little later, as time went on and people questioned his claim, Santos did a little backtracking. He made the comment, “For a lot of people who are descendants of World War II refugees or survivors of the Holocaust, a lot of names and paperwork were changed in name of survival.” While this is actually true, it has NOTHING to do with Santos’ family. According to genealogist Megan Smolenyak, who was interviewed on CNN, specifically about Santos’ claim, she told America, “(Regarding Santos’ family) There’s no sign of Jewish and/or Ukrainian heritage and no indication of name changes along the way.” Meanwhile, according to CNN, multiple genealogy records indicate that his grandparents were born in Brazil and were not in Germany during World War II. REPULSIVE, VILE, REVOLTING, ABHORRENT, REPUGNANT, OFFENSIVE, LOATHSOME, FOUL, NASTY, DISGUSTING, NAUSEATING, DETESTABLE, NOXIOUS, DISTASTEFUL, MOTHER F#$#$$#$!!!