Snow Melt in California Will Be Historic

California’s 2023 record snowpack has started to melt in its warmest days of the year so far.  The southern Sierra Nevada, San Joaquin Valley and Tulare Basin may be the most potentially dangerous epicenters to worry about.

A significant amount of water is expected to flow down the rivers and streams, or even make new paths this spring and summer, increasing around 400% of the flow we are used to seeing.  This is an immediate threat as California’s reservoirs and flood control systems weren’t planned for this much volume.

Professor Bradley Sageman of Harvard Junior College said, “Who would’ve guessed that snow will melt and that water could flow down?  I mean, this is quite the predicament.  But like Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park, life will find a way.  Except it’s water this time, and the way is down.”

Brad Pitt, who owns many homes in California was said to be very concerned and prayed, “My snow brothers, please do me a solid and remain solid?  Namaste.”

A recent snow report from the National Association of Climate Horticulture & Organized Sciences (NACHOS) supported Professor Sageman by reporting that, “This year’s snow in California is especially cold and has the potential to be especially wet.  The snowpack is up to 233% of peak average, so there’s 125% chance of overmeltilazation especially along 85% of the Southeastern Sierras and it could completely flood the 143 Starbucks along the lower Sierra basin but we’d say there’s 70% chance of that.  Ask us again in a few weeks but right now chances are grande, almost venti.”

Stormy Whitefalls, local weather person for Channel 13 news in Dewme, CA said, “If the snow rushes things and bam, melts fast and shoots all its load, then we are in trouble and we’re going to be a wet mess!  But if it melts slowly and in a nice groove, not rushing things, then we could be ok, even enjoy it.  It’s not the size of the snow but the ratio of the flow and the glow.  If the snow slows down and focuses on the motion, not the commotion, this could be really enjoyable for California too, and not just for the snow.”