STD and Toilet Seats

Scientists for years have been trying to disprove a theory that says that sexually transmitted disease like Chlamydia and gonorrhea can be passed on by toilet seats. Married men for years have made the claim that they acquired STDs through intimate contact with a porcelain potty. We reached out to lead scientist Martin Van Heussien about the latest discovery, “turns out that men can contract STDs through contact with a toilet seat. We tested over 500 toilet seats and found that if we sprayed the top of the seat with a sexually transmitted disease and within 2 minutes a person either licked the seat or aggressively humped the seat, there was a 22% chance they could acquire the STD.”

This is great news for men all over the world who tried to tell their wives that the STD they had was obtained from a dirty toilet seat. Divorce attorneys are now asking judges to reopen divorce cases where their client’s have been accused of extramarital affairs with new evidence coming to light. Divorce attorney Paul Shady explained, “My clients have been paying out their ass in alimony after being accused of being unfaithful to their wives.  Hopefully this new study, will clear their names as well as the penicillin cleared their gonorrhea.”