Swifties

The Swifties are the most loyal groupies in the music world, just ask Eugene Evers of Tacoma Washington. Eugene is a writer for the Tacoma Times and recently did a review of Taylor Swift’s recent concert and has endured the worst blowback one could imagine. Eugene explained his current situation, “I wrote one thing critical of Taylor Swift and my life has been a living hell. I have prepubescent girls throwing eggs at me and toilet papering my house just because of my review. I open my mailbox and there are used tampons inside, my life is a living hell. All I aid was that if I had to perform in fron of 80,000 yelling girls I would want to kill myself. I also said something about how I felt like Taylor dated men and broke up with them just so she would have new material. I may have also said something about the ticket prices were so high that only over privileged whiny little girls could afford to attend her concert. I still don’t think that is an excuse for them to call the cops and swat me the way they did. I literally shit my pants when the cops broke down my door with guns aimed at me, thank goodness they didn’t check my computer for child porn, but I digress. These girls are out of their mind young and highly attractive, I mean attracted to Taylor Swift music and willing to defend her at all costs.”

After or interview, Eugene has been arrested for possessing child pornography to no one’s surprise. He is also currently under suspicion of selling counterfeit tickets to Taylor Swift fans.