Technology Innovation Innovates
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Inventor Dr. Allen Helverson is at it again, and college students are lining up to sign up to test his new product. There is still much concern after Dr. Helverson’s last invention failure, The contact computer, where people implanted contacts in their eyes with a minicomputer screen inserted into the contact. The contact computer was up to test subjects and as you would guess, their eyeballs exploded. This all created an explosion and the ability for anyone to easily hack the eye and see whatever the individual who was wearing the contact could see. Dr. Helverson Still claims that is not his fault “I told them explicitly not to sleep in them, the rem movement of the eyeball can elicit enough friction to heat up the mainframe to unacceptable level and KABOOM! We may not see eye to eye on this but it’s not my fault.”
Dr. Helverson solved a problem by inventing a mini-iPad that is 2in by 2in that is subcutaneous and is slotted into the forearm. “The forearm is ideal as there is no chance of an eyeball explosion plus students can easily access it during anytime, specifically for an exam. We also are test marketing one that gives out small doses of Adderall or whatever shit these kids are using to pay attention” Stated the gifted inventor. He went onto say “So far results are very promising as we have only had ten mortalities and we can link them all back to excessive masturbation. You see all the shaking causes the main frame too to overheat, plus we will no longer be using lead components. Kids can easily use it on their non dominant, non-masturbatory hand and shabammmm, problem solved.”
Dr. Helverson has reached out to his hero Elon Musk for investment and help with making his product be charged with solar power. “I have already developed a cap with solar panels which is a start. I have had great success with the kids at the Yeshiva University where I add solar panels to their Beenie or as they call it a yamookah” Stated Dr. Helverson. We reached out to Mr. Musk for comment, but he is too busy trolling people on twitter to comment. “I honestly want to keep living off of other people and continue couch surfing…and making babies….and thank g-d polygamy is federally legal……wait…it isn’t!”
