Tesla Investigated for Steering Wheels That May Fall Off

An owner of a brand-new Model Y SUV reported that the steering wheel literally fell off just days after he started driving it.  Turns out that it was due to a MISSING bolt.

When he brought it into the dealer, complaining furiously, he was told that it would be $103.96 to attach it permanently with a bolt.  The mechanic told him, “Yep, it says right here, the steering wheel securing bolt is an option in the model Y, but you didn’t pay for that.”

The mechanic, who would only identify himself as “Mechanic X” because he grew up wanting to be Racer X from Speed Racer, explained some insider facts.

“Tesla don’t care about you or me.  Hell they’d make me an independent contractor with no benefits if they could.  But luckily here, California don’t allow that.  Anyways, the models S,3,X,Y sounds like ‘sexy’, but it’s the opposite.  This is what they actually stand for:

S = S’crewSafety

3 = 3WheelsgoodenoughWhoNeedsASpare

X = X’cusemeforbreakinglaws

Y = YnotsleeponitLikeoursafetyteamdid”

A young Elon Musk once interned at Yugo, where he wanted to design a car that had no safety features at all at the cheapest production cost, and wanted to call the car, Yugo Screwyourself.

Tesla has disbanded its media relations department.  Thus, after weeks of silence, Musk tweeted the following, before immediately deleting it.

“What?  People are saying Teslas are falling apart at the wheel, stopping for no reason at all and refusing to talk, running stop signs, hiding problems, and not really being able to fully drive itself???  It’s like you’re accusing a Tesla car of being a woman!  I mean listen to yourselves!  You guys really just say stuff that make you sound clueless”

Another spokesperson had this to say.

“Our apologies for that tweet.  Dude is nuts and every morning we play a game of Mr. Musk Musts.  Every freaking day he has these Musk haves that must happen or else we get fired.  Anyways his favorite model is the X, and we think it’s because he is missing an X chromosome or something which explains his complete lack of social skills, I don’t know.  And I’m just an accountant so I don’t know why they asked me to talk.  I just want to say that safety is kind of important to Mr. Musk.  I mean he doesn’t mind crashing rockets because he’s got billions of dollars, but he doesn’t want anyone to get hurt.  Well, sort of.  I mean WTF we have NO spare tires on the cars.  If you are in the middle of nowhere and a tire blows you are dead.  You can’t go anywhere.  And sorry to say, I did approve that from a finance perspective, because well, 4 tires are cheaper than 5.

But you have to remember that Mr. Musk is going to be a historical figure and you want to be a part of this Tesla movement.  He would challenge you by saying what he said to Congress,

“Ask not what Tesla could do for you, ask what you could do for Tesla”.