The Challenges of Ocean Levels

The publication, “The Onion” reported a solution to increase water levels in the ocean if everyone would go swimming. Based on scientific evidence, “The Onion” is correct. However, at MPL we have discovered this puts the world in peril for a possible Tsunami. After further discovery, the federal government is sending out 330 million straws in the US. Each US citizen will have to take 3 small sips from any ocean in the world. If they don’t live by one, each citizen is forced to fly to a part of the US where the ocean resides (on their own dime). We spoke with David Dryness who lives by Laguna beach and here is what he had to say, “The ocean tastes like shit..however, water levels appear to be going down finally…along with all those rich bitches and their bratty kids vomiting……that is the best part…..while they vomit, I laugh……gotta love Laguna Beach and what it has to offer…….ahhhh…the beautiful beaches and vomit…LOVE IT…oh, if you pee in the ocean a red die will follow you…..that is not BS!!”