The JART Games

Dating well back to the 1960’s there are toys and games deemed “too dangerous” for everyday use. For example:

Atomic Energy Lab – released in 1950 included actual live uranium ore (3 different kinds) and also had a Geiger counter in case your child started to glow in the dark.

Power Mite Working Power Tools – These were released in the 1960’s, and they were just like Dad’s! They were actual, metal power tools, just child sized. If your child was really coordinated, you could have them build you a deck.

The Gilbert Glass Blowing Set – Another toy brought to us by the 1950’s, and it was exactly what it sounded like – a glass blowing set for children. In order for glass to become malleable it has to be about 1,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Most of us know several adults who shouldn’t even have a toy like that.

And the GrandDaddy of them all!!! The JART. Or Javelin Darts. Or Lawn Darts. However, you remember the title, this was by far the most wildly popular and accepted ridiculously dangerous toy available.

Thank you 1950’s.  Apparently, the 1950’s were a simpler time. Paint contained lead; cars contained no restraints for children; and toys didn’t have much safety testing, if any. The concept of Lawn Darts is pretty straight forward – you get a target; you throw darts at it. The darts were sharp and weighted, so when thrown, they would stick in the ground.

With the new popularity in Extreme (ly stupid) Sports; Face Slapping, Chess Boxing, Underwater Hockey, and Shin Kicking, a new competition has arisen.. The JART Games. “JART” paying tribute to Javelin Darts, Lawn Darts, etc.

Contestants will compete in:

The Slip N’ Slide Slalom Speed Competition – The Slip N’ Slide WHAM-O plastic surface is laid over an unkempt backyard lawn and contestants must try to dodge all of the tiny pebbles and rocks under the surface as they belly flop and speed down the surface. There is no landing area, as we all remember from our childhood. The contestant will also be judged by the style of the inevitably awkward stoppage at the end of the slide and number of bleeding cuts from the slide.

The Metal Playground Slide and Climb – This event is only held on days where the temperature is over 85-degrees and sunny. Contestants must first slide down the metal slide in 1980’s-cut gym shorts. The backs of their thighs must be in contact with the metal slide for the entire way down to the bottom. Speed and stickage to the slide are what the judging is based on. The second part of the competition is climbing back up to the top of the slide on the slide itself, and immediately sliding back down again following the same rules as the prior slide.

There are several other events that you are just going to have to watch the competition to see. But, the Zenith of the competition is the Javelin Darts Receiving Competition or JARTS Catching – Competitors will stand 25-yards away from each other and throw the Lawn Darts to each other 10 times each. The objective is simple… Catch the Lawn Dart. Points are scored on actual catches and style of the catches.

Top points-scorer from 2022, Doug Earhardt, who is in the process of perfecting the “Mouth Grab” had this to say, “I haf engoyf beeng in da GERT gems. Iz vey enzifin ta be pat ovzis. In nuv in.”

How can you argue that?

The Games begin on July 15th, 2023.