The Nickname Game

It seems like there is a staffer in charge of EVERYTHING when it comes to assisting the highest and most powerful job in the World. The President of the United States of America clearly does not lack help when it comes to most of his duties as the leader of the free world. So this reporter did a lot of digging to find out who was either “in charge of,” or an “assistant to,” when it comes to the racist nicknames of domestic and foreign leaders donned by the Donald, himself. And I found him.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Grant Lee Jackson; First Nickname Suggestionist to the former POTUS, Donald Trump.

I asked Jackson why “racist” nicknames were such a common theme? Jackson told me that he has never once recommended any nickname be a racist one.

I asked him, “What about ‘Animal Assad,’ which was used for the President of Syria, Bashar al-Assad?” To which he told me, “I recommended ‘Bash Ass.’ But President Trump said that Syria was a country filled with animals. Hence, ‘Animal Assad.’”

I asked about “Pocahontas” for Elizabeth Warren who was a 2020 Democratic Presidential Candidate. Jackson told me that he recommended “Liz War-On Trump” because she waged “War On Trump” at every opportunity. But the former POTUS liked ‘Pocahontas’ because although Warren was not part of the Cherokee Tribal Nation, she did have Cherokee in her ancestry.

I finally asked about; “Evita” and “Eva Perón” for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, US Representative from New York, “Coco Chow” for Elaine Chao, 24th Secretary of Labor and 18th Secretary of Transportation, and now “Meatball Ron” for (Italian descendant) Ron DeSantis, 46th Governor of Florida. To which Jackson replied, “I… I… I got nothing.”

With some additional persuading and $129 (for which I hope MPL will reimburse me), Jackson gave me a list of additional racist nicknames that never made the cut (thank God):

Michael “Shecky Greene” Bloomberg – 108th Mayor of New York City

Pete “Butt-and-Edge” (Buttigieg) – 2020 Presidential Candidate

Josh “Shecky Green” Shapiro – Attorney General of Pennsylvania

Chuck “Shecky Greene” Schumer – US Senator from New York/Senate Majority Leader

Marco “No Mas” Rubio – US Senator from Florida/2016 Presidential Candidate

Beto “Shillelagh Clover Irish Spring” O’Rourke – 2020 Presidential Candidate

Bernie “Shecky Greene” Sanders – 2016 and 2020 Presidential Candidate

Barack “Foreigner” Obama – 44th President of the United States