The Only Fortune Cookie Writer Retires
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Sal Bronstein knew it was time to hang it up and no longer write fortune cookies (or eat them). He is 114 years old and has been writing them since the birth of the cookie in 1914. He is a prodigy and his life’s work will be missed.
Mark Visseloff has now stepped in the gauntlet to fill the big shoes of Sal. However, the last several months have posed all kinds of litigation. Several of this fortunes have pushed the fortune cookie industry sideways. Below are some of the fortunes he wrote that are going all the way to the Supreme Court:
“You will get divorced, and your wife is cheating on you with your dad…and yes, they have a kid on the way named after you”
“You won’t get any diseases this year…..however, you are not aware that you suffer from syphilis and you have given it to your dog….WTF is wrong with you”
“Your children will be very successful, and you will leave the porn industry as an actor since they can’t find your penis…it’s ok, your balls will be bigger”
“Your brother stabbed your mom because you told him to and he is ok with splitting the life insurance proceeds and he still loves you”
“Your son from when you had sex in college with a hooker comes back in your life …mainly because he needs a job and he likes the industry you are in…yes, he wants to be an actor and or at least an understudy”
Currently Sal is helping Mark learn the ropes. “His writing will improve once he stops sleeping with my wife!”
