Tiny Crystal Elephants

Wow, I can’t believe my neighbor is upset with me just because I broke his tiny crystal elephant collection!!

I mean, no I wasn’t invited to his house, and yes I’m sometimes overly friendly, but I mean come on. I was in their closet, minding my own business, when his wife came in and started to take a shower. And since she has known iron deficiency and feinted 5 years ago watching the Doogie Howser marathon, I decided to keep an eye on her. So I opened the door a little bit, but then it started creaking. Well, so by chance I had WD-40 in my pocket, along with a ham sandwich and tabasco…not because I stalk much, but because all accountants carry that around 24/7. Anyways I started spraying that, but forget that the ceiling fan was still on at medium strength and it blew some right on my face. And that immediately made my glasses fall off my face and it happened so suddenly that while I was trying to grab it, the Go pro on my head fell off and landed on the ham sandwich and tabasco sauce I was eating. Well after that noise, the neighbor’s dog came running in, but instead of minding me at all, he started eating the sandwich. But then he started reacting negatively, I guess to the tabasco that splattered in his eyes, (damn me for leaving that open instead of closing the cap). He looked like he was suffering, so I had no choice but to pick him up and rush into the shower. I followed the proper etiquette for this exact scenario and yelled, “INCOMING!!!” And we stormed into the shower and I rinsed the dog’s eyes with water. Instead of a simple, “thank you for comforting my wet dog,” all I heard was a scream and she bolted out of the shower and accidentally knocked over some of the candles she has lit for aromatherapy. So I had a sudden decision to make. Do I stay in the shower with the dog and try to save him from permanent blindness? Or save the house from burning down? I quickly chose to save the house, because I figured, if the dog became blind he would never be able to find his house again, but if the house burned down there wouldn’t be a house to find. Plus, this dog had really really uncanny hearing and amazingly, could walk on his hind legs, holding a cane. Which is another story in itself…. But anyways so I rushed out and grabbed the fire extinguisher (good thing I knew where it was from the 149 times I was there before) and put out the fire. Everything was good and the ordeal was over, but in returning the extinguisher, I had slammed it down so hard that the display case shook, and the neighbor’s tiny crystal elephant collection fell and broke.

I mean can you believe they are mad at ME for the crystal elephants breaking??? Well, seriously, this is the last time I try to save a neighbor’s dog from tabasco related eye injuries!!

I mean, this could’ve happened to anyone!