To Curb Mounting Losses and Revive the Brand, Disney Turns to Yet Another Former CEO

Burbank, California – Disney announced today that Bob Iger will be stepping down effective immediately and that he will be replaced by another former CEO who has also been brought back for a second run. After years on ice, Disney has thawed out and revived Walt Disney, the company’s founder, so that he can revive his beloved brand. Under Bob Iger’s leadership, Disney has waded into a labor strike that has shut the industry down on all serious fronts, while exposing Iger for the money hungry turd burglar that he is. Moreover, the company has made a series of live-action remakes of their cartoon favorites, which haven’t always struck the right tune with audiences, while over-saturating the Star Wars and Marvel markets with more content than people care about. All of these decisions have ultimately lead to some less than successful financial returns for the company, which inspired the board to take radical action. Now 57 years after his passing, Walt Disney is walking the earth once again, the first successful reanimation of a cryogenically frozen person, and tasked with getting the company back into the black. After overcoming the initial shock of society’s technological progress, and the explosive diarrhea that comes from cryogenic sleep, Walt went right to work on planning a slate of upcoming projects for the company. The focus appears to be on a return to animation, as he pitched five feature length Mickey cartoons and a Looney Toons revival show, along with a series of mildly antisemitic cartoon shorts. We reached out to Mr. Disney to ask about his future plans for the online streaming service, Disney +, to which he simply replied, “What? What line is it on? It’s a stream? Like a river? Leave me alone.” Disney’s future is uncertain, but at least it’s back in the hands of the original mouseketeer himself, who has been brought back from the dead in hopes of saving the day but mainly just the company’s profit margins. Additionally, the company plans to cryogenically freeze Bob Iger in case they need him for a third time