Twitter Checkmark

Twitter is all the talk these days, especially when it comes to their verified blue checks. People are now paying to get these wonderful check marks that show the world they made it. Twitter, or Elon is banking on the fact that people will pay money to get the social media verification. In fact, Twitter believes this is going to be such a success, that they are planning their next move. Twitter’s vice president of marketing, Alan Bumholl, said, “I have come up with our next revenue stream at twitter it is the check mark of all check marks, The Black Checkmark of Death. People can pay $1.99/month and when they die, we put the Black Checkmark of Death next to their name and it signifies they are dead and have now made it, even after death. When someone pays for the Black Checkmark of Death , we send them a form to fill out and they can set up to 100 tweets that we will post after they die. Let’s say you want someone to know that you hate them, like that the asshole boss. Well now you can tweet, go F off, insert bosses name and we will post it. It is well worth the $1.99/month. We also have a special Horses Head Checkmark, where you can pay to have that Checkmark put on someone else’s name, anonymously to indicate you wish they were dead. That is a very valuable Checkmark and will be $10.99/month. Great to give someone, like the boss you can’t stand, and the beautiful thing is that the Checkmark is anonymous and so now your asshole boss will have no idea, you wished him dead.”

Alan asked to remain anonymous for this story for fear of retribution from Elon, so we ask that you not discuss his name when telling others about this new product.