Uber Meats Launches!
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As Covid decimated many local businesses, it had an even more severe impact on the restaurant and hospitality industry. Many hotels and restaurant chains have had to close down several locations. This created massive opportunity for Uber Eats. Revenues for that entity alone soared and has most recently created a few new opportunities.
Uber Meats is planned to launch now. The urgency has been created by the influx of covid and flu patients as of recent. Darnold Bendict, the CEO had this to say, “We see an open lane to increase herd immunity…..here is the business model in simple terms….all meals from Uber Meats are meat based….your delivery guy will always have covid or the flu….and is soon as the customer submits their order they agree to the following…food that only contains meat with salmonella and a driver who has covid or the flu will deliver it…the contract also states that the customer has to eat with the driver for at least one hour……..yeah, sounds pretty ffffd up….but we are proud to let the world know we are creating herd immunity with one sick ass beef sandwich at a time!”
The infections disease department could not meet with us for an interview, but they did have this to say, “We are majorly short staffed…..we are letting kids play “doctor” and administer the shots…its not that hard and these little kids are saving lives…and missing veins at the same time!”
