Not really satire.

Not really satire.

Business

Uber Waits

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By Jack Firestone


Uber is trying to increase revenues and is coming up with new business ventures. They started out as a ride share company and even ventured into food delivery with Uber Eats. Their new company is now in Beta testing something called Uber Waits. Director of Product Development Paul Olsen Explained “It’s a waiting service, where you pay someone to wait in line for you for anything. Think about it, wherever you have to wait in line people will, for a small fee, wait in line for you. Ever have to wait in line at a restaurant to be seated? Not anymore with Uber Waits, someone will wait for you. Women bathroom lines can get ridiculous at events and airports, not a problem because now you can have another woman who is an Uber Waiter sit in line for you and text you when your stall is ready.  We expect this to take off at amusement parks like Disney or Universal Studios where lines are ridiculous. We charge them by the length of the wait”

Paul Olsen also discussed other new ideas Uber has been trying to come up with, “One idea we are working on is Uber Pals, where a lonely person can hire a pal for whatever they want. Turns out some men in our Beta trials took it the wrong way and expected something completely different. However, we have seen a lot of success where they use the pal to drive in the High Occupancy Vehicle lanes. There was one main problem with that, our pals needed a ride home. Turns out it was there problem but we double dip because they need an Uber driver to get them home. Unfortunately, most pals quit after 2 days. My son in high school has also pitched the idea for Uber Writes where an Uber Writer, will write student’s papers for them. Unfortunately, for my son the Uber Writer was terrible and now he has to repeat 10th grade.”

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