Unorthodox Results

Rabbi Michael Schneider of Beth Tikvah Temple in Sonny, Mississippi has saved his temple from closing down due to a lack of congregants. For the past 5 years Rabbi Schneider’s Temple has seen its congregation go from over 200 members to just barely over 25.

Congregants blamed covid and others had no comment.  Sonny’s Jewish population was just over 300 people and therefore the was not a big pool to rebuild from. Rabbi Schneider tried every marketing trick in the book, which included free Friday night or as they call it “Shabbat” dinner. Times were getting tough, and Schneider was running out of ideas and members until one night he got in a car accident. Despite the rumors, he was not drunk and doctors reported a 0.0 alcohol level. The trauma to his head was a “Beth Tikvah” miracle as the Rabbi described.

Apparently, the trauma has caused late onset Tourette’s, which causes the Rabbi to curse uncontrollably. After the accident the Rabbi came back to the Temple and give his usual Friday night sermon and to his surprise all 200 past and present members showed up to support him. However, they had no idea what was to come next, a curse laden speech about following the Torah’s teaching.

The audience was in awe to hear the Rabbi Schneider’s teachings to be filled with words like “oh no! Mother F%cking Mitzvahs!” And things of that nature sprinkled throughout his 4 hour sermon about shaving his back. You might think most would be disgusted by the language, but to his surprise his congregation was highly entertained.

As 85 year old Saul Rosenberg stated “ That was one mother f%cking sermon, oy vey that Sh*t was awesome.” Word spread throughout the town of Sonny, Mississippi and now Beth Tikvah has standing room only. Alcohol consumption has gone down in the town as people that normally planted at the bar attend temple. People come all over to see what he will say next. Christopher O’Neil says “You have no idea what he is going to say next, and the best part is, either does Rabbi Schneider…. I come every week now and I am considering converting!” Side note: Christopher will be called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah next month.