Weekend At Bernie’s: The Elder Years Starring Mitch McConnell
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September 2023
(Because He Doesn’t Have Much Time Left)
As Mitch McConnell stared off into the distance for the second time in the public eye, Hollywood has decided this is the exact moment to call off the writer’s strike and begin writing the screenplay for Mitch McConnell’s swan song: “Weekend At Bernie’s: The Elder Years.”
Columbia Pictures has reached out to the McConnell camp and surprisingly have gotten the green light to allow the human turtle to star in his own film. As the movie begins, Mitch is lying on the beach, in a lounge chair, with a straw just glued to his upper lip while his arm, held up by a prop extra, and holding up a margarita on the rocks. We pan the camera to the right and surprisingly see Nancy Pelosi, head tilted to her left, staring up into the sky, pointing and cawing back at the seagulls above.
Stay tuned to see if Mitch actually takes a full sip…
