BREAKING: Trump Says Iran Ready for Peace Deal, But He’s Still Waiting for “Better Words”

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump spent nearly 30 minutes on the phone explaining that Iran is ready to negotiate a ceasefire, but he personally is not ready to make a deal yet because the “their terms aren’t good enough.”

When asked what those terms actually are, Trump explained his strategy clearly.

“I don’t want to tell you,” he said confidently, unveiling what Trump’s Administration describes as America’s newest diplomatic doctrine: The “Guess What I Have Behind My Back” bill.

The president insisted that the U.S. and Israel have already “totally demolished” key Iranian targets, including, Kharg Island, though he added the military might bomb it again “just for fun.”

Donald Trump ACTUALLY said, “bomb it again ‘just for fun.’” This is an exact, 100% on the nose, direct quote.

When questioned about his statement, “just for fun,” Trump proudly responded, “We totally decimated it. But we didn’t hit the oil stuff because rebuilding that takes years. I’m very smart about infrastructure. Trust me. No one knows more about infrastructure than me, okay?”

When reached for comment, American political consultant and author – James Carville told CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, NEWSOne, and the MyPillow News Network, “That is the most casual explanation of war strategy ever delivered by someone holding the nuclear codes.”

Trump also suggested Iran’s new Supreme Leader might not even be alive, and more.

“I don’t know if he’s alive. Nobody’s seen him,” Trump said. “If he is alive, he should do something very smart. He can call us. Text us. His assistant could do it, right? I don’t know his name. Long name. Hard to pronounce. The longer the name, the stronger the leader, or so they think. “Putin” is a short name, but a very strong man. Strong leader. So Ukraine just needs to… well, we should know more in a couple of weeks.””

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth added helpful clarity by suggesting Iran’s new Supreme Leader may be “wounded, disfigured, scared, on the run, and having trouble getting a WiFi signal,” which political experts agreed sounded less like intelligence reporting and more like a script for the MAGA-version of “Friday the 13th,” starring Hegseth as the psychopathic Defense Secretary.

Meanwhile, Trump confirmed he is working with “many countries” to secure the Strait of Hormuz, though he declined to name any of them.

“They love the idea,” he said. “They think it’s great.”

Diplomatic sources later clarified the list of countries currently helping includes “1. Some Countries, 2. Probably, and 3. Maybe.”

Trump also dismissed concerns about rising gas prices despite spending most of 2024 screaming about gas prices.

“I have the lowest prices ever,” he said. “They’ll go lower again once the oil gets unclogged.”

Energy experts later confirmed that gas is higher right now that the record average in 2008 and “unclogging the oil” is not currently recognized as an official economic policy.

The president also criticized Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy for being harder to negotiate with than Vladimir Putin.

“Zelenskyy is far more difficult to deal with than Putin,” Trump said, explaining that Putin appears willing to make deals.

Putin has not confirmed this, though sources close to the Kremlin say he is very happy Trump keeps telling everyone that.

Despite the growing conflict in the Middle East, rising oil prices, and global confusion about U.S. strategy, Trump assured Americans he is not worried.

“I’m not concerned at all,” he said… Which concerns us all.

~ Jel Michaels, Washington, DC