G-D NON-COMMITTAL ON RETURN TO EARTH

A rather disheveled and hungover-looking G-d was spotted taking out the trash over the weekend and our very own in-the-field reporter, Gayle Sayers was on hand to witness the emergence and conduct a brief interview. When asked if a return to Earth was impending, G-d was wishy-washy and non-committal, appearing hesitant to give an answer. In fact, G-d seemed to be completely caught off guard by the line of questioning. When asked if he was seeing other worlds, G-d immediately went on the defensive, denying all rumors, and aggressively reassuring everyone that Earth is his number one world. His best world. The only world for him. And that he simply needed some time to himself to grow and evolve on a personal level. As you may know, there have been numerous unconfirmed reports that G-d has been spending time with various other worlds after he was sighted on Leonardo Dicaprio’s mega yacht, however no concrete evidence has surfaced. When Gayle asked G-d about making a commitment to Earth to show the true love he constantly declared, G-d immediately darted inside and shut all of the blinds. Gayle hurled questions at the home for a few moments longer to no avail. The abrupt end to the interview has fueled speculation of cheating rumors, and done no favors in the public forum for the man upstairs. While many still keep the faith, a growing number of voices have become concerned that G-d’s absence is a huge relationship red flag. We’ll keep you posted as the story develops.