BREAKING: Trump Claims Jesus Photo Is “Doctor Trump Doing Great Work”

WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump deleted a social media post showing himself dressed like Jesus healing a man, insisting the image was actually him “as a doctor,” despite the glowing light, robes, and what appeared to be the touch of a miracle.

“I thought it was me as a doctor, okay? Very strong doctor. Red Cross-type situation. We love Red Cross. Great people,” Trump told reporters. “A lot of people don’t know that. Also, I make people better. I heal people. Maybe better than doctors. We’ll see where that goes.”

The image, which clearly showed Trump in full biblical attire with a glowing hand, was posted after he criticized the Pope. A sequence of events experts are calling “a biblical-sized shitload… even for him.”

“No one knows more about Jesus than me, okay?” Trump continued. “I’ve studied it. Very strong subject. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. Also, the economy was perfect when I was there, totally perfect. We’ll see what happens. We should know more in a couple of weeks.”

JD Vance commented, without being asked, “Look, I think the president was obviously being metaphorical. Or literal. Or somewhere in between. Metaphiteral. That is what we’re calling it. It’s where a lot of great leadership happens.”

Critics immediately questioned the image, with some calling it inappropriate and others simply asking, “Is he serious?”

Trump pushed back.

“Fake news said I was Jesus. I never said I was Jesus. Could be a doctor. Could be a healer. Could be Jesus. Could be something bigger, okay? We’ll see where that goes,” he said, before abruptly pivoting. “By the way, Iran? Okay? Huge problem. So much lying from the Fake News. We are winning. We’re doing very well there. Total peace. Nobody talks about that.”

Supporters defended the post as humor, saying Trump “likes to mix it up,” while others noted this is not the first time he’s depicted himself in religious roles.

Trump addressed that as well.

“People love it. They love it. They say, ‘Sir, you look great as everything,’ pope, doctor, maybe something else, Jesus, we don’t know yet, okay?” he said. “We’ll know more in a couple of weeks.”

White House officials declined to clarify the image, possibly because there is no clarification that would make it better. Trump, however, remained confident.

“It was a doctor. Maybe the best doctor. Spiritual-advising regular-doctor combination, okay?” he said. “Very powerful. Very misunderstood. Like Jesus, before he was a doctor. No one knows Jesus better than I do. Trust me. Okay?”

~ Jel Michaels, Washington, DC