MediaPub Shaken as Jel Michaels: Easily Its Most Important, Talented and Humble Writer, Announces Shocking Resignation

Letter addressed to Management:

As the current Political Advisor, Political Expert, Political “Knows Waaaaay More Than You Do,” and Movie Review Journalist, it saddens me to announce my resignation from MediaPub, effective immediately or Wednesday, depending on international banking hours.

I want to thank Brett, Morty, Stephie, Christy, or Christie? Kristy? Whatever. I never asked. Thanks to Alan Cumming, Joe Estivez, Lorne Michaels, Daryl Hall, NOT John Oats, Benicio del Toro, Lita Ford, and Seth Green. I will miss your friendship, your very direct and blunt comments that I mostly passed up on, and the highly suggestive places to which several of you repeatedly wish I would go.

Unfortunately, regarding my current employment, an opportunity of this magnitude simply cannot be ignored.

Yesterday morning I received a USPS FIRST CLASS-stamped, handwritten-letter stamped with the “USPS-INTERNATIONAL Certified Mail” Royal Crest from the Royal Family of the country of Emnootrehal de Contre. His Highness, Prince Fewlovkropski. I knew immediately it was legitimate because scammers almost never use stamps.

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Gel Michleles (or current resident)
1505 WEST JACKSON BLVD
CHICAGO, IL 60606, USA-NORTH AMERICA

Dear Most Trust Person Gel,

I am Prince Fewlovkropski of Emnootrehal de Contre.

My life now in very dangerous because of Rebels is angry I have decision to befriend United States. My Royal Emergency Airplane Division will escape myself to 5150 WEST JACKSON BLVD, CHICAGO, USA, NORTH AMERICA very immediately.

I have selected YOU because your name was given to by confidential internet. I must wire my entire US Currency Checking Account# 80085-2-90, Routing# 100834011, containing $150,515,051 American Dollars.

You only must wire to account (above listed) $12,808.97 by ASAP before 6:00 PM EST / 3:00 PM PST or OFFER NO LONGER VALID!!! Then within TWO BUSINESS DAYS your portion (please provide checking account and routing number) with taxes already withheld for INCOME TAX TIME IN USA.

Also I am prepare to give you HALF my USA stock of NIKE™ (NKE): 1.2-MILLION SHARES  (VALUE $46 MILLION), for additional processing wire only $7,999.99 plus Sales Tax outside Continental USA.

Please hurry because Rebels is approaching palace and moat currently have no water.

You Trusted Friend,

Prince Fewlovkropski of Emnootrehal de Contre

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Naturally, I had questions.

Mainly: Can I send both wire transfers at once? Or, can I just send the total of both options all in one wire transfer?

I made an educated decision that since I am already spending $12,808.97, another $7,999.99 is basically a drop in the bucket. Especially when the bucket is apparently holding approximately $76 million for me.

I am so glad that cashing out my 401(k) and Bar Mitzvah Savings Bonds will get me the money I need to wire to finally reach that next financial level.

I leave MediaPub for my new life of luxurywith complete confidence that my absence will considerably harm the caliber and quality of MediaPub, but on the bright side; you don’t have to compare yourself to my far superior quality of work anymore. Should make life easier for you.

Management, I wish you all the best.

Except for Jerry Azarro. You’re a dick, Jerry!

Jel Michaels