Jel Michaels Wants His MediaPub Job Back, Insists Resignation Was “Just a Joke” After Fortune, Wire Transfer, and Judgment All Vanish
To All MediaPub Management:
I would like to formally retract my recent resignation from MediaPub and, if possible, pretend the entire thing never happened.
There were a few developments with my financial situation since last week. And, I was only joking about the whole resigning thing.
First off, I was notified that my wire transfer was “Received prior to closure of account.” At the time, I thought this sounded very official and bank-like. I now understand it may be the legal term for, “Thanks for the money, Schmuck.”
Second, the Chicago address where Prince Fewlovkropski and I were supposed to meet, so I could collect my $76-million fortune, does not exist. I drove around looking for it anyway because I had already come this far financially, emotionally, and geographically.
I will admit, I was getting a little skeptical.
Back in my apartment, laying on my Murphy bed, staring at, reading, and rereading the letter it finally popped out at me:
Phonetically reading the Prince’s country, “Emnootrehal de Contre,” I realized it reads suspiciously like: “Am Not Real the Country.”
Phonetically reading the Prince’s name, “Prince Fewlovkropski of Emnootrehal de Contre,” would translate to: “Prince Full Of Crap(ski) of Am Not Real the Country.”
It was at this point I became wary.
I called the United States Postal Service* and provided the tracking number from the envelope I received marked “International Real Not Fake Certified Important Mail”.
They informed me it was not a real tracking number. Also, it was not actually certified mail. It was, in fact, just an envelope with a stamp on it.
So now I’m out the entire amount I wired, plus I owe money on a payday loan I took out to cover $4,475 of the total $17,000 of my savings and savings-bonds from my barmitzvah.
So, regarding that silly resignation joke.
I’m sure you know from my unique sense of humor that when I said, “MediaPub would suffer without me,” I was only joking. Of course I would be the one to suffer without MediaPub in my life. I could NEVER live without MPL.
If we’re all good, I would like to resume my job duties immediately. Remember, I was only kidding. I cannot wait for my next assignment!
And in case I made the joke too dark and you thought I was actually resigning, I am prepared to return with true humility, maturity, and a renewed appreciation for steady employment, direct deposit, health insurance, and people who do not begin business proposals with “Dear Most Trusted Person.”
And you have my word that I will consider some of your criticism. Not all of it. Because most of you are usually wrong. But I am open to discussions.
I still will not work weekends. But I promise to attend all meetings, except for morning and early afternoon meetings. Evening meetings are fine as long as dinner is provided..
I will try to read emails all the way to the bottom, too. Unless they are from Jerry Azarro.
I am truly sorry to everyone at MediaPub, if you didn’t realize I was just joking. Seriously, I was just joking. So, again, my apologies to everyone. Except for Jerry Azarro. You’re still a dick and the dumbest person I know.
Please advise when I can come back. Preferably before the payday lender does.
Remember, I was only joking.
Jel Michaels
Jel Michaels
Recently Formerly Wealthy International Investor
Currently Available for Immediate Rehire
