Dave Portnoy One Bite Pizza Faces Challenges

Dave Portnoy of Barstool Sports is making a remarkable change. Dave will no longer be doing his famous one-bite pizza reviews. We spoke with one of his assistants, Jill Sowers, who explained the decision: “Dave will no longer be reviewing pizza. Instead, he’ll be launching a one-bite burger review, which I believe will start at Wendy’s. The funny thing is, Dave thinks this was entirely his idea, but it was actually a group effort at our office to encourage him to make the switch. What most people don’t know is that Dave is extremely lactose intolerant. For years, his flatulence has been so intense that we’ve banned matches and lighters in the office for fear he will combust. All that cheese from the pizzas really adds up, and it equals a disaster for the rest of us. For heaven’s sake, and for the employees’ sake, please make sure there’s no cheese on those burgers. Although, as his assistant, I can tell you he is a complete a-hole, hence why I give him milk with his pizza and now burgers.”