Donald Trump’s Peterbilt, Denton, TX Traveling Salvation Show
Donald Trump visited the Peterbilt plant in Denton, TX to talk about the Economy……….
Donald Trump visited the Peterbilt plant in Denton, TX to talk about the Economy. What followed sounded less like a presidential speech and more like a drunk uncle hijacked the wedding toast, announced that nobody understands marriage like he does, and 27 minutes later was explaining why his second divorce was everybody else’s fault.
Trump started on affordability, then bounced to gasoline, Biden, inflation, fake news, war, and a mystery country that was “probably” going to kill us. Then he stopped to explain that the word “probably” was very important, before deciding it was actually “more than probably.” That cleared everything up beautifully. It had all the confidence of a man assembling IKEA furniture with three leftover screws and absolutely no concern.
Then came Economics.
Trump announced that “tariff” is now his fifth-favorite word after America, his wife, his children, and religion have finally cracked the Top 4. Imagine being Eric and learning you’re not competing with the other siblings for Dad’s affection… you’re competing with a tax on imported washing machines.
Then Trump unveiled his contribution to technology: He does not refer to Artificial Intelligence as “AI.” He calls it “SI” for “Super Intelligence.” Brilliant. Why stop there? Call Wi-Fi “Digital Air.” Rename Bluetooth “Invisible Phone String.” PowerPoint can become “Big Meeting TV Pages.”
Then, because apparently the economic portion of the speech had gone too smoothly, Trump attacked Senate candidate James Talarico for being vegan. Trump claimed Talarico goes to barbecues, secretly eats meat, walks behind a tent and throws it up. There was no evidence offered. Trump took “he’s vegan” and somehow built an entire soap opera out of brisket, deception, and projectile regret.
Seconds later, he reminded everyone that “the all-time record is Trump (???),” then explained that he and Ted Cruz once “fought rather violently” but now love each other. It was less a political endorsement and more like two divorced dads discovering they’re assigned to the same bowling team.
He then pivoted to fuel prices.Trump has treated gas prices like a man arguing with the giant numbers on the sign outside a Shell station. In February, he bragged about $1.99 gasoline even though the national average was about $2.90, and no state averaged below $2.79. The current National average is $4.04.
When his own Energy Secretary said gas might not fall below $3.00 until 2027, Trump simply declared him “totally wrong!” based on no facts or statistics whatsoever.
Trump’s gas-price strategy now appears to be: if the number at the pump is bad, keep saying a better number louder until somebody changes the sign.
So what did America learn? Gas prices are good unless they’re bad. Tariff is apparently a favorite word. Artificial Intelligence needed a new name. And somewhere behind a barbecue tent a vegan is allegedly having a very rough afternoon. The speech wandered so far from economics it needed GPS to get back… but the GPS eventually just gave up and said, “You know what? Good luck.”
~ Jel Michaels, Denton, Texas
