BREAKING: Trump Says Americans “Need to Stop Obsessing Over Eggs” While Demanding $1 Billion for ‘The Most Beautiful Ballroom in Human History’

Washington, DC – Donald Trump stunned reporters after accidentally admitting he does not think about Americans’ financial struggles “even a little bit” before immediately pivoting into a 14-minute rant about gold-chandeliers, Iranian missiles, and “very poor architecture.”

The remarks came after Republican senators reportedly visited the White House begging Trump to focus on rising costs, inflation, gas prices, and housing affordability.

Instead, witnesses say Trump spent most of the meeting showing lawmakers fabric samples for what he called the “The TRUMP Big Beautiful Ballroom of Patriotic Freedom Complex.”

“People are upset about grocery prices. I get it,” Trump told reporters. “People come up to me and say, ‘Sir. Eggs are expensive.’ What? $1.00? ‘Sir. Milk is expensive.’ $2.00? Maybe? Very sad. But have you seen this ballroom? We need this done now. How about a little teamwork here, America? $1.99 at the gas pump? Not so bad. A little sacrifice for your Leader. It will pay off. I promise.” He continued, “Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. Versailles? Garbage. Total garbage. We’re doing gold trim. Very classy. Not Europe-classy. American-classy. Okay? Like Burger King versus McDonalds. One classy. One, not very much.”

According to insiders, Trump reportedly interrupted a briefing on housing costs to ask whether the ballroom ceiling could display “a larger, sexier version” of himself painted as Hercules with long-flowing blonde hair riding a bald eagle through red, white, and blue explosions. This was asked out loud by Trump to no one in particular and no answer was offered by anyone in the briefing.

At another point, Trump reassured Americans that he understood their pain.

“I know what it’s like to struggle financially,” Trump said. “I’ve struggled. I’ve been there,” he stated trying to hold his laughter back. He quickly, in Trump-style, came up with an anecdote, “One time a contractor charged me double for imported marble. I said, ‘This is how Black people must feel.’ Terrible experience. Okay?”

Republican lawmakers have reportedly grown frustrated with Trump’s obsession over construction projects while voters worry about inflation and gas prices linked to the administration’s war with Iran.

Trump dismissed those concerns.

“People say, ‘Sir, Americans can’t afford groceries.’ I say maybe they should stop buying so many groceries. Nobody talks about that. Everyone’s eating constantly now. Under Biden, everybody became very greedy eaters. Everyone was fat. Look at me. I should be your example as your Leader. Okay? 6-Foot, 4-Inch, 185-Pounds. Comes from not eating all the time. They say I like McDonald’s. Two words. ‘Mac. Chicken.’ You can eat healthy anywhere.”

The president also defended plans for a massive triumphal golden arch outside the White House.

“We need a beautiful golden arch because migrants, foreign leaders, and frankly ugly countries are laughing at us,” Trump explained. “China has arches. Rome had arches. Even Canada has something like an arch, or something. Nobody even knows what Canada is anymore. They are not friendly. Very rude. Rudest country ever. Cana-Ruda. That’s what I call them. I made that up. Okay? Great name. Very weak country.”

When reporters tried to steer the meeting back toward the conflict in the Middle East, the President cut off the media by shouting, “Have you seen what they are doing in the Middle East? There is now a price on Humans. They are eating HUMANS!!!  Nobody talks about it! Okay? This is Biden’s human disaster. Okay?” (Please note, the President is reacting to the increase in the price of Hummus. Not Humans.)

Trump then attempted to reassure voters that the economy would improve after the Iran conflict ended.

“Once the war is over, gasoline goes back down to $1.99, everybody gets rich again, and we finish the ballroom. That’s the order. Very simple. I understand economics probably better than anybody. Maybe in history. Okay? No one knows economics more than me. Okay?”

At one point, reporters attempted to ask about affordable housing legislation.

Trump responded by unveiling what appeared to be a crayon drawing labeled:
“SUPER WHITE HOUSE BALLROOM – NO POORS.”

“People want affordable housing,” Trump explained. “That’s why we’re building luxury inspiration. Poor people need motivation. You show them gold ceilings, maybe they work harder. That’s just psychology. I know psychology better than anyone. Okay? Much better than Freud. Freud was an amature. I know amateurs better than anyone. Okay?”

Sources say several Republican senators sat frozen during the event while one exhausted campaign aide told a few reporters, under anonymity, “The moms in Target parking lots are going to beat us to death in November.”

~ Jel Michaels, Washington, DC