Heads May Roll in Half Moon Bay, CA

On June 24th, a lifeguard in Half Moon Bay, Northern California, allegedly ran over a 20 year old woman who was laying in the sand.  He was driving a pickup truck.

The County Sheriff’s Office said the victim survived, and was taken to a hospital for treatment.

The lifeguard may have been distracted, drunk, or under other influences.

He would only state, “I may have seen something, I dunno, maybe I saw her head down there, but I guess the body was buried under the sand?  I first thought it was a plain, severed head, just sticking out of the sand.  Who would’ve thought there would be a body attached to it, but just out of sight!  I mean if I have to drive AROUND every possible severed head on the beach assuming there may be bodies also, that would make my job like really hard you know?”

The President of the San Mateo Lifeguards Union, Sal T. Water, said there would be investigations and everything will be handled professionally.  “I’m sorry this happened, because it really makes the union look bad… but also, because someone got hurt.  I mean the same lifeguard almost ran over a large, nude sunbather a month ago and she was only halfway buried, and was quite the eyesore.  That happened just north of here at Half Moo Bay.  Anyways if I find out there was any corruption or coverups, heads will roll!  I mean, not literally, but something like that.”

San Mateo County Supervisor Anita Tan vowed, “We will get to the bottom of this and there will be answers!  Just like there are car keys at the bottom of every shoe left on the beach.  Because that’s where all surfers “hide” their car keys.  Wait but don’t print that ok?  Because I don’t want all the surfers to get robbed.  So, make sure this part is deleted.”