New Condiments Hit The Market at Grocery, We Think…….

Three Northbrook high school seniors have started a new company that is taking a lot of heat for their products. The company’s name is Cockdaments and is a company that sells a basket filled with products in tubes that look like ketchup and mustard bottles that someone could use to squirt their special tasting products to make oral sex more pleasurable for the giver. Kevin Walburn one of the co-creators of Cockdaments explained how the company came about, “Me and my two besties were at a baseball game and we were getting hot dogs and went to the area where the condiments were being dispensed and then I looked at the hot dog, it hit me. The hot dog looks like my penis albeit much longer and so I thought what if we made condiments for our penis’ so woman might enjoy the act of oral sex much more. We loved testing our products even though it took a while to get taste testers without having to pay too much money and unfortunately for Steven, one our three founders, he had our special relish flavors on his manhood and the taste tester took a bite. Fortunately for Steven he will make a full recovery. We are trying to get our products into mainstream stores and not just in the back of Spencer’s. Our principal, who I think is just jealous, got pissed when he heard we were recruiting students to be our taste testers. I can only imagine how pissed he would be if he found out Mrs. Johnson from home economics was our most reliable taste tester.”