Welcome to the Republican Midterm Convention: Please Ignore the Empty Seats, Missing Letters, and Access to Restrooms:

So, 15,000 attendees went to the restroom during Trump’s speech… What?

The Republicans held their first ever midterm convention in Dallas this week, and apparently the theme was: “Out of Chaos comes Order. ~ Nietzsche ” “Order” just never made it to the RNC.

It started when the “L” literally fell off the “DALLAS” marquee on the podium, leaving “DA LAS.”

Somebody had one job: keep Dallas spelled Dallas.

They got five out of six letters. Apparently, Gorilla Glue isn’t a MAGA-approved adhesive.

Then came the crowd. Trump repeatedly called the 21,000-seat arena packed, while Reuters reported much of the upper deck and thousands of side seats were empty.

An RNC official stated, “Those weren’t empty seats. Those were Republicans attending remotely without the burden of actually attending.”

Then somebody put left wing streamer Hasan Piker in a Speedo on the giant Jumbotron.

Nothing says “STOP SOCIALISM!” like displaying it on a 40-foot wide scoreboard featuring abs and a full package in a banana hammock.

Then Democratic Senator John Fetterman appeared by video at the Republican convention.

At this point, nobody knew whether to clap, boo, or call somebody from IT.

Trump told the crowd the country was going to Hell… which is an interesting sales pitch when YOU ARE THE ONE RUNNING THE COUNTRY!!!

That’s the political equivalent of an airline pilot coming on the overhead saying, “Ladies and Gentlemen, this plane is just absolutely out of control. Certain death is imminent. Who the Fuck is flying this thing?!”

Then Trump reportedly asked people not to leave for the bathroom as his speech dragged on.

Forget inflation. Forget foreign policy.

For one shining moment, the biggest threat facing the Republican Party was Section 214’s bladder.

But the best part happened before Trump even got to Dallas.

Air Force One’s emergency slide unexpectedly deployed, briefly delaying his departure. Reuters reported military personnel accidentally triggered it.

Even the airplane apparently looked at the itinerary and said, “Nope. I’m not flying to this Shit Show in the making.”

And that was Dallas RNC.

The “L” left.

The Crowd left.

A little bit of stag porn in IMAX.

People restained from Peeing.

And the airplane protested the entire event before it even began.

For a convention built around getting Republicans to show up in November, an alarming amount of the convention seemed focused on getting the fuck out of Dallas.

~ Jel Michaels – Dallas, Texas