Cop Dies from Eating Donuts

Just this morning, the fatality of Officer Spermen is a mystery. After eating 13 donuts, he was later found dead right outside of the local donut shop in Lincolnwood, Illinois in his cruiser drenched in coffee and donut vomit. We spoke with the captain of his division and here is what he had to say, “It is awful. We were all upset about it, well, that asshole ate all the bear claws. What kind of cop does that to other cops. Never go over a dozen. 13 is the kiss of death with donuts, for most cops. I almost died from a coffee cake years ago, however I lived. My wife tried to get me to eat 4 coffee cakes that weekend. She is now dead, not me. I made her eat 6 coffee cakes and 13 donuts.”