Hear No Evil… See No Evil… Speak No Evil!

Hollywood’s Most Unfilmable Action Movie Is Somehow Happening

HOLLYWOOD, CA – It’s showtime on the set of Hear No Evil… See No Evil… Speak No Evil!, the latest action blockbuster from writer/director Jerrard Davis, a man Hollywood insiders are calling “either a visionary genius or someone who has finally lost his fucking mind.”

The movie centers around Jack Blaster, a legendary bounty hunter who spends an hour and a half chasing international criminals, escaping explosions, dodging bullets and attempting to save the world.

There’s just one small problem.

Jack Blaster is blind, deaf, and mute.

And somehow, that’s not even the most difficult part.

The starring role will be played by newcomer Andrew Dustin, who is actually blind, deaf, and mute.

We asked Davis why he would cast an actor who literally cannot see the camera, hear the director, or deliver a single line of dialogue.

He didn’t hesitate:

“Andrew had exactly the look I wanted. Lost. Bewildered. Unknowing. Almost clueless, I would say.”

When asked whether those qualities might actually be disadvantages for an action star, Davis looked genuinely confused.

“Disadvantage! Hello! Have you seen Tom Cruise?”

Fair point.

DIRECTING WITHOUT DIRECTIONS

Directing Dustin has presented some challenges.

“Obviously, I can’t tell him what to do,” Davis explained. “He can’t hear me. He can’t see me. And he can’t speak to ask questions. So we’ve had to develop a very sophisticated communication system.”

That system, we were told, consists primarily of trial by fire. Apparently, this works beautifully.

Except when it doesn’t.

During one scene, Dustin was supposed to walk into a bank, shoot three bad guys, grab a briefcase and escape through a window.

Instead, Dustin walked directly into the glass door of a neighborhood Subway restaurant, made his way in, screamed in fear of confusion, and ran around the restaurant knocking tables, chairs, and chips racks all over the store. Davis kept the camera running in case anything looked usable for the film… it was not.

“We had to reshoot that,” Davis said.

THE STUNTS

The movie contains more than 147 action sequences, including car chases, explosions, helicopter crashes, motorcycle jumps, and one particularly ambitious scene involving a collapsing skyscraper.

Dustin performed all of his own stunts and really committed to the role.

During filming, Dustin broke more than 45 bones, received over 130 stitches, suffered multiple contusions. As well, he sustained 11 second- and third-degree burns.

“He never complained once,” Davis proudly said.

“Of course,” we pointed out, “he couldn’t.”

Davis paused. “That’s what makes him such a professional.”

THE INTERVIEW

We eventually sat down with Dustin for an exclusive interview. His agent joined us as a translator.

Unfortunately, there were some complications.

We quickly discovered that Dustin’s agent, whose name we never learned, was born without a tongue, and is also Portuguese not speaking any English at all.

Through Dustin’s agent, I asked how Dustin got interested in acting.

His agent stared at me. Dustin stared at the wall. I stared at the agent. The agent shrugged.

At that point, in absolute silence, I perceived the interview had concluded.

I shook Dustin’s prosthetic hand as a gesture of appreciation. He shrieked in fear upon being touched.

THE VERDICT

Despite the obvious communication challenges, Davis remains convinced Hear No Evil… See No Evil… Speak No Evil! will revolutionize the action genre.

“This movie is about overcoming impossible odds,” he told us.

Apparently, that includes actually making the movie.

The film debut is scheduled for release on Friday, March 19, 2027 at the Sharma Bollywood Theater at 1562 5th and Main in downtime Elma, Washington. The entire cast will be on hand for the event. Davis is very excited

As for the rest of us, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Well, some of us will have to wait and see. Dustin will just have to wait.

~Jel Michaels, Hollywood, California