BREAKING NEWS: Darline Graham: South Carolina Has Apparently Decided That Qualifications Are Overrated

SOUTH CAROLINA – In what may be the greatest demonstration of American democracy since someone decided reality television stars should run the country, Darline Graham has won the Republican Senate primary.

Congratulations, South Carolina. You have apparently looked at the qualifications of the people running for U.S. Senate and decided:

“You know what this job needs? Someone who openly admits national security isn’t her thing.”

That is not satire. During a debate, Graham was asked whether Taiwan and the South China Sea were national-security issues.

Her response?

“I’m not on national security. I’m not that informed on national security.”

Then came the reassuring follow-up:

“But I do support the military.”

Outstanding.

And things didn’t exactly improve when reporters started asking about Immigration.

Graham was asked about DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals), a federal program that protects certain people brought to the United States as children from deportation.

There was just one tiny problem: She apparently didn’t know what DACA stood for, much less what it even is.

Rather than panic, she drew upon the spirit of her brother Lindsey Graham and did exactly what he would have done:

She changed the subject.

Graham launched into a discussion about birthright citizenship, complained about people coming to America to have children, and generally responded like someone who didn’t do the homework but volunteered to give the presentation anyway.

The reporter tried again, “Do you have any thoughts on DACA?”

Graham’s response, “Not right now.”

And there it was.

But perhaps the most impressive achievement came when Nancy Mace revealed that she met Graham at an event and Graham didn’t know who she was.

That’s right. Graham apparently entered a Senate race without knowing one of the seven members of South Carolina’s own congressional delegation.

And yet, incredibly, Graham proudly insists she IS NOT a politician.

She’s 100%, totally, completely, utterly, absolutely correct!

Politicians generally know the concept of what a question is… Even if some choose to answer them in completely chaotic variations.

But, Darline Graham demonstrated a revolutionary new and successful campaign strategy:

Admit nothing. Answer questions with questions. Plead ignorance. Change the subject. And if you’re still in trouble, pull out the family Trump card: “My brother was Trump’s friend (bitch),” followed by, “And Trump says he likes me.”

Because apparently, when your political knowledge fits comfortably on a Post-it Note, the solution isn’t learning more… It’s finding someone with a HUGE, beautiful, tremendous, “bigly” Post-it Note, and hoping POTUS wrote the answers on it for you.

South Carolina voters have spoken.

They’ve apparently decided that if ignorance is bliss, then Darline Graham is about to have the happiest career in Washington.

~Jel Michaels, Hilton Head, South Carolina