Federal Government Has Made Theft Legal Due to High Cost of Living

As of yesterday, the federal government has made theft legal to compensate due to the high cost of living. This includes legal looting of all retail stores and being able to rob banks. The feds feel this will help the US get back on track and create more affordability. We spoke with a bank spokesman from a major bank who preferred to not be named; however his name rhymes with Simon, “Take the money and safety deposit boxes. We can always print more money.”