New Laws In Alabama

Alabama’s new sexual assault screening is coming under fire from victims all around the state. A woman who wanted to stay anonymous, Susen Kersten explained, “After getting sexually assaulted I felt like I got a second assault when the police opened their investigation questions. The detective’s first question was, how are you related to the alleged attacker? The second one was as offensive, what were you wearing at the time and was the outfit asking for it? I couldn’t believe it.” Detective Harrelson explained, “We ask the question about how they are related because in Alabama there is an 85% chance that they are related. If they are related, there is a 75% that the accused is a spouse or fiancé to the victim. So, we are just speeding up the process. We also ask what they are wearing for obvious reasons. Think about it, if a man is wearing a wife beaters shirt, he is definitely asking his cousin to sexually assault him.”

The state legislature is looking at new laws to help put away such perpetrators, like House bill 74, Which prohibits touching a cousin in an unwanted fashion no matter what he or she is wearing. There is a special carve out for men who wear trucker hats, because as the law states, they are just asking for it.