BREAKING: White House Says President’s Closed Eyes, Drooping Head, and Snoring Were ‘Taken Out of Context’

WASHINGTON, DC – After yet another video appeared to show President Donald Trump asleep during an Oval Office briefing, White House officials rushed to clarify that the president was not sleeping.

“He was engaged in a Tactical Interlude,” explained Secretary of State Marco Rubio. “His eyes were closed, his head was tilted back, and he was motionless for six minutes, but that’s actually how he absorbs information.”

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth agreed.

“In the military, we call that Combat Listening. Some troops use notebooks. President Trump uses unconsciousness.”

Health Secretary RFK Jr. offered a medical explanation.

“Scientists have discovered that President Trump can enter a state called Tranquil Thinking, where his brain receives information directly from coal energy, eagles, and the moon.”

Vice President JD Vance defended the president’s performance.

“People think he was asleep because of the snoring. What they don’t realize is that was Strategic Breathing. Frankly, most Americans wish they could think that hard.”

Trump told reporters they were misunderstanding what they saw.

“My eyes were closed because I was processing tremendous amounts of information. More information than anybody’s ever processed, frankly. The human brain wasn’t designed for that much thinking, okay?” Trump continued, “When I concentrate very deeply, which is what I was doing with closed eyes, okay? Nothing abnormal. Concentrating. Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV, okay? My skin is like a paper towel. Thin and absorbent. Very thin skin, okay. Very thin. And thin weight, too. Down to 175-pounds.”

Trump remained defiant.

“I was conducting a deep-level thinkstorm. Very few people can do it. Your body looks asleep, but your genius stays awake. It’s actually more awake than awake, okay?”

The president then closed his eyes and slouched into his chair. He seemed to nod off for 57-seconds. White House officials later clarified that he was actually pre-solving future problems.

~Jel Michaels, Washington, DC