Texas Marijuana Law: Because Apparently Common Sense Is a Controlled Substance

Austin, TX – Texas has apparently decided that marijuana is dangerous enough to ban. However, not dangerous enough to stop lawmakers from spending years arguing over which microscopic molecule of THC is sufficiently horrifying.

Follow the blueprint. Under the latest Texas rules, marijuana remains illegal, while hemp products containing no more than 0.3% delta-9 THC can remain legal. Stay focused. Other cannabinoids, including delta-8 and delta-10, are getting the Texas boot. Because apparently the molecule needs to submit the proper paperwork before it can be considered intoxicating or sanctioned.

Now, marijuana does have actual effects. It can impair memory, attention, judgment, coordination and reaction time. Oddly enough, so does alcohol. And after numerous attempts to interview Texas government officials, MediaPub is continuing to seek an answer to whether or not alcohol is indeed still legal in Texas. Neither Governor: Greg Abbott, Lieutenant Governor: Dan Patrick, nor Attorney General: Ken Paxton were available for comment as to any information on whether or not alcohol is still legal in Texas. The controversy mounts.

We have also just found out, through any reputable news site in the World, marijuana also has legitimate medical benefits, including evidence for treating chronic pain, chemotherapy-related nausea, and multiple-sclerosis spasticity.

So Texas’ position seems to be: “Yes, cannabis can affect your brain by helping you relax, improve the brain’s ability to generate new ideas, heighten appreciation for music, visual art, and even help treat certain medical conditions. Obviously, the responsible thing to do is spend valuable time in Congress arguing over which microscopic THC molecule is naughty, which one is nice, and whether the difference can be detected by a guy at the vape shop with a chemistry degree from YouTube.”

Other effects would include vomiting all over the bar and bartender, falling off your barstool, damage to the liver, weakening of the heart, raises cancer risks, triggers relationship conflict, poor work performance, financial strain, and dangerous behavior like accidents or violence… Sorry. That’s actually ALCOHOL.

And thanks to the leadership of the Three Stooges in the Lonestar State, prohibiting or restricting hemp-derived cannabinoids like Delta-8, Delta-10, and consumable THC in Texas (as well as the illegalization of actual marijuana) eliminates a multi-billion-dollar market. Economic analyses show that bans or severe restrictions put over 40,000 to 50,000 jobs at risk, threaten thousands of small businesses and smoke shops, and reduce state sales and general-revenue funds by tens of millions of dollars.

Because nothing says “Texas Common Sense” like banning the plant that might make you feel better while selling you the booze that makes you believe you can karaoke.

Apparently, in Texas, the real gateway drug is common sense.

~Jel Michaels, Austin, Texas